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“I didn’t know there was a shrine within the imperial palace…”
Of course, on the day the carp fry was discovered, I couldn’t attend the party.
It was clear that attending with such eyes would only lead to unnecessary gossip, and I knew without much thought that Marquis Glaine wouldn’t like such a situation.
Anyway, after not attending for one day, I didn’t want to go on the second day, and on the third day, I still wasn’t in the mood.
But by the fourth day, I felt a bit self-conscious about being holed up in the castle like a recluse, so I came out for a stroll.
As I was walking around the imperial palace, I spotted a familiar statue and, out of curiosity, moved towards it to find a small shrine.
The shrine, situated in a corner of the imperial palace, seemed like a miniature version of the large shrine in the capital. It didn’t look abandoned, as evidenced by the occasional presence of priests.
Finding a familiar place in an unfamiliar setting brought me a sense of mental stability, even though it was a place that had tormented me for two years.
‘Ah, is this why people turn to religion?’
I walked towards the shrine as if in a trance. I didn’t know why there was a shrine within the imperial palace, but if it’s a shrine, there should be a prayer room.
Today, I’ll have to earnestly curse that damn author again with both hands clasped.
Over the past two years, I, who had to wake up at dawn and sleep when others played, learned how to spend the four daily prayer times without getting bored. It was by cursing the author.
If God created this world, then the author who created it must be God, right?
So I cursed endlessly. It made me feel so much better…
“Yes, today I need God…”
“This is a place you shouldn’t enter without permission, my Lady.”
“Ah.”
My steps halted involuntarily at the neat and calm voice from behind.
It was very gentle, yet firm. It seemed to possess a power that prevented casual movement.
When I didn’t move, the person approached me from behind. The neat priestly robes that stood before me in a few steps were of a unique kind I had never seen before.
The pure white priestly robes were embroidered with gold, and the fabric looked very luxurious.
With fair skin, distinct features, and a high nose bridge.
If only the hair was long, one might believe it to be a beauty of national caliber. That’s how soft the impression was.
“Ah, it’s nice to meet you. Are you the priest here?”
“…Yes, that’s right.”
Even the golden eyebrows that were slightly raised were neatly trimmed. I wondered if this might be a priest of a higher rank, as I’d heard there were hierarchies among priests.
It certainly made sense, considering this was a shrine within the imperial palace.
“I’m a guest invited to the banquet. I was looking around and found it interesting that there’s a shrine within the imperial palace, so I approached out of curiosity.”
I showed as much respect as possible. In a sense, the shrine was a place that gave me great comfort.
It was a place where Illyana didn’t have to bear any obligations.
“I see.”
The man’s voice remained calm. However, there was a deep sense of boredom, as if such incidents were common.
“So I thought I’d say a little prayer before leaving, as I was glad to see it.”
“…A prayer?”
His voice held a hint of surprise, as if that was unexpected.
I nodded quietly while observing his demeanor. I pulled out a card from one of my sleeves.
“Would it be difficult to use the prayer room with my devotee card?”
“A devotee card… Might you be Lady Glaine?”
“Yes.”
There was no need to ask how he knew. There probably weren’t many noble ladies who had obtained devotee cards.
It would be simple to deduce with just a few physical characteristics among them.
“Oh my, I’ve been very rude. Devotee Glaine.”
The priest’s attitude changed upon seeing the devotee card. He tidied his flowing sleeves, placed his hands below his navel, and bowed in greeting.
“I was about to politely turn you away, thinking you were a curious noble visitor. I apologize for not recognizing you earlier.”
I just smiled silently at his words. Although his voice was polite, the atmosphere he exuded wasn’t very friendly.
If he were a person who showed expressions, I think he might have contorted his face.
“I am the priest, Julio.”
“I’m Illyana Glaine.”
Do high-ranking priests introduce themselves simply as ‘priest’?
Or does he just not want to reveal his status to me? Either way, it doesn’t matter. As long as he provides me with a prayer room to vent this frustration.
“The shrine here within the imperial palace is a place to strengthen relations with the imperial family and to prepare for the duties the shrine has in events within the palace.”
Ah, I didn’t know it was such a place. As I let out a low sigh, Julio gave a pretty bitter smile.
It’s frustrating that even his bitter smile is pretty, not unpleasant.
“Due to its purpose, I’m afraid we don’t open it to the public, so there are only private prayer rooms.”
“Oh, is that so? That’s a shame.”
I was truly disappointed. Is it possible that I can’t even use the devotee card I paid for?
Of course, I understand that it’s a special shrine. Once the imperial party is over, I should visit the capital’s shrine. I feel like I can’t live with this pent-up frustration.
“But if you don’t mind, I can lend you my prayer room. I won’t be using it today, so it will remain empty. Please feel free to use it.”
That was a welcome offer.
“Is that okay?”
“Of course. The shrine is always open to devotees.”
“Thank you. Then, I’ll take you up on that offer.”
I had no reason to refuse, so I readily accepted.
Julio slightly bowed to me and gestured neatly inside, guiding me. Despite not being a large shrine, it was quite well-equipped.
“There aren’t many noble devotees, so I misunderstood. I apologize once again.”
“No, it’s fine. I just had a chance encounter.”
If not for that, I probably would never have believed in a god in my life.
I was one of those who believed that gods didn’t exist, and if anything, I didn’t want to believe in them.
Of course, I believe in the god of this novel’s world. Isn’t it that damn author?
Anyway, I’m glad I can curse the author with a happy heart today, so I have nothing more to wish for.
“This is the place. No one else can enter, so please feel at ease.”
“Yes, thank you for your consideration, Priest Julio.”
At my words, Julio gave a neat smile and then slightly bowed in greeting.
As he slowly closed the door to the prayer room and disappeared, I sat in front of the statue of the goddess Legneva.
“Sigh…”
She clasped her hands and closed her eyes. Even if someone saw, it would seem full of piety.
<You bastard, you damn bastard, are you living well? Today, I’m glad to feel like I’ve taken a step back. Damn. Even if I sent only six emails with my damn antics, can you give me this kind of crap? Is your conscience still alive? Damn, are you happy there? I bet the dirt under my toenails that you’re not human. At least explain what you were thinking when you did this. Tell me what I should do.>
I moved my tongue, which felt like it wouldn’t move, in a voice as small as if ants were crawling, muttering.
Even if someone were there, it would probably sound like a prayer. That was the intention.
Fortunately, I could still use Korean if I tried to be conscious of it.
I couldn’t express the curses I wanted in this country’s language. Our country’s diverse language is the best.
<You damn bastard, you’re really doing this with both hands up, it’s really disgusting. If there’s something to do, say it, give me a divine revelation, or at least tell me the goal. I can’t let my precious life flow away like this.>
Panting, I fervently spat out curses. It felt like my insides were clearing up as I poured out curses like a rap without almost breathing.
If the god in front of me is really listening to my story, I hoped they would give me an excuse to somehow break through this crappy situation.
<Hey, I can’t handle Magnus. Where the hell did Illyana Glaine go? Damn, it’s really… really shitty… I’d rather go home. I can’t endure this. What did I do wrong? If I did something wrong, I’ll apologize…>
My teeth ground involuntarily. As I spoke, the sorrow welled up.
What did I do wrong to have to struggle to live like this here?
I was just curious about the epilogue of the story. As a reader of the author’s work, it’s something I could be curious about.
If I had to go through this just because of that, I can’t accept it.
This is too much. I was just curious about the story, and I was just concerned about Illyana.
<Damn… fall into a dung pit while walking, you bastard.>
Holding back tears, I spat out curses and then stretched my legs out on the prayer room floor.
I didn’t lie down to maintain the last bit of dignity, but I stretched my legs out on the floor and looked up at the statue of the goddess looking down at me from high above.
“I really hate this…”
I hate the language that’s not mine that comes out naturally, and I hate knowing the name of that god.
I also hated the situation of kneeling and sitting in front of a god. I don’t like gods.
There’s no particular reason. To me, a god wasn’t just a statue that couldn’t even say a word.
‘How much longer do I have to do this?’
How much longer do I have to endure this life to return to the original world?
Even though it was a crappy life where I only escaped into novels, it seemed better than this life where I desperately try to maintain balance on a knife’s edge.
I realized the presence of tears streaming down my cheeks when I was half lost in thought.
Watching the tears create dark traces as they seeped between the folds of my dress, I swallowed a sigh.
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